The enormity of the situation we face has not escaped me. In fact, most days, it's staring me right in the face. This morning when I found out about yet another relapse within the AML community of people that I have gotten to know and care about, I found a steady stream of swear words going through my head, and then for the first time in quite a while, I cried. I guess I've accepted that this thing has happened to my family, but when I see that it's also happening to others...beautiful families who just want to have the chance to live a normal life, to laugh and to love each other, I get upset.
The thing is, I know that I can handle this, I know that regardless of what happens to Jeff, JD and I will be able to find peace in knowing that we have/will make the most of the time we have with each other and with Jeff. Buddhists say that the miracle is not walking on water, but walking here, on earth. Right now, I feel that statement so intensely, that I get goose bumps when I think about it. Living for now and having each other now is what matters, and the fact that some do not get to live this miracle as long as others does not diminish their significance, and in many respects, I think it amplifies it. My Mom has been dead for almost 7 years, and the profound affect that she had on me and the rest of my family is felt every single day, and I'm absolutely certain that I feel her more strongly than I would if she were here in the flesh.
So, if you want to DO something for Jeff, then please, live your life to its fullest. DO something with someone you care about, MOVE your body and relish in the fact that you are living a miracle right now. Dance in the kitchen. Open your eyes to the splendid autumnal maple trees (that one is for my Dad, who never, ever, forgets to stop and smell the roses). Laugh with your babies. Hold them tight. Enjoy them. NOW.
14 comments:
AMEN to that! Beautifully written!
Love You Jamie!!!! Hang in there,
You inspire me!
Nicky
Jamie,
First, thing I must say is that your writing skills are outstanding... Second, You have learned to appreciate life and that is an awesome gift. Many people live long lives, yet never really learn to love and appreciate how beautiful everything and everyone around them is... My heart aches for your pain, but have peace knowing that you have appreciated life like some may never learn to do so. Better days are coming...
You are absolutely correct about your Mom's impact on our family.
I can hear her infectious laugh as I dance in the kitchen!
Beautifully Wrote!!
dance in the kitchen...sing in the kitchen...whatever your fancy...i prefer to sing!
i know kathy would prefer me to sing too!
I know the word blessing does not seem to go with the word Leukemia, but knowing that each day is a gift and living your life accordingly is both a gift and a blessing. Cancer drives home the frragility of live, all of us need to make the most of every day.
Never ever stop living.
Jamie
Since I started reading your blog a few months ago, I must say I have definetly had a different perspective on life. It's just in the way you word everything! You are such a strong woman!
I have even tried to influence the people I work with in sharing some of your stories. We all get caught up in the little day to day material struggles and forget about the big picture. We have to take a step back and remember what's really important and the little things we should be thankful for instead of the little roadblocks. Take care, you are all in my thoughts and prayers!
Jamie AND JEFF
We are thinking about you everyday wishing we could make it go away!!! I know its not easy but stay strong everything will be ok.As for your Mother she was a beautiful person inside and out and Loved you all dearly. So take care.... I love you all Aunt Florency.
Boy, Florency, how right you are!
Jamie's mom had some amazing talents..
mechanic, carpenter,
organizer, painter,
fishing pole assembler...
just to name a few.
Jamie inherited her mom's motherly instincts and her heart..two of Kathy's greatest assets!
Beautifully written. I think we can all learn something from this post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thinking of you guys!
God bless you, Jamie, for all that you do for Jeff, little JD and all of us reading your blogs. You have such spirit, inner strength, so much love and goodness in you.
No wonder my nephew fell in love with you! I never knew your Mom, but knowing you~~she must have been one amazing woman! She lives in you and always will.
Love ~ Betsy
I've been following this blog for some time and I've never felt more compelled to respond than now. So I will.
Your strength is beyond commendable and your ability to put it in words is truly a wonderful and rare talent. After what your family has been through, you are the one who is making us feel better about ourselves. That's not normal...in such a beautiful and selfless way. Many people want and deserve sympathy but you are a fighter which makes you and Jeff so perfect for each other. You have no idea how many people this blog has touched and how you've changed our outlook on life. There has never been a statement more true..."Live for now". Believe me, you give us goose bumps every day! There are people in this world that are considered saints for the work they've done or the missions they've completed. Consider yourself one! You've helped so, so many people "live for now" and look at the rain as a gift from God...not another crappy day. I cried when I read this. Not because I was sad but because I have so many people in my life that need me to dance with them and to laugh and smile. You made me realize that.
So thank you! You are in my prayers...always. Somehow, you make me think that "the rest of us" need more help realizing what life is really about.
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